[ Where I tell you all about myself. ]
I Wanted (Still Want?) to be an actor.
No, I wasn’t in anything you would have heard of. I mostly acted in short films.
Did a few children’s pantomimes.
Toured Auckland for six weeks performing an anti-bullying show at children’s schools, and auditioned for roles on TV etc but never got them.
In fact it’s only in the past year that I’ve decided to step away from that career and figure out if there is something else I love to do more.
I made this decision because I wasn’t happy living life the way I used to: working night shifts to allow time in the days for auditions, pay thousands of dollars a year on acting technique classes, accent classes, casting director work shops, headshots, always putting acting first no matter what other plans I had already made.
I find actors are the most unreliable people, acting always and forever will come first; You made plans? They were meant to meet you for lunch or dinner or help you set up your birthday party? But then they get an audition, and all bets are off. They can’t make it any more because that’s the day their audition is or they need that time to learn their lines. This was one aspect of the career I hated. I hate unreliability and I hated it if I ever had to cancel plans with people because I got an audition. Acting does not work around your life or your schedule. An actor with a true passion for acting just doesn’t care about any of that.
I never saw my friends or had a social life because I worked night shifts, I stopped enjoying my acting class, I never had any auditions during the days anyway, I lost a lot of self-confidence. I discovered that maybe I just wasn’t right for the acting industry; I’m too nice, too happy and bubbly, maybe even too lazy or not passionate enough to fight for what I wanted. I hated the rejection when I didn’t get a role, I hated how nervous I got when I stood up in front of the scary casting directors, I hated the judgement. I suppose I realise now, all I ever wanted was to be good enough.
That was no way to think about yourself. I started to hate who I had become and the way I lived.
I love acting, I love acting in front of the camera, I love fleshing out a character and making that character yours, I just wasn’t a fan of the life you have to live when you’re still trying to make it.
I went to film school when I was 19 and I loved it, I used to say it was the best year of my life, before the year I went travelling. Then spending a few years trying to make it as an actor just really wore me down, it wore my passion for acting down, it made me realise that maybe acting isn’t what I want to do any more.
In saying all of this, to be honest, I miss acting. I don’t miss classes, auditions or the pressure. But I do miss being in front of the camera, learning lines, making a character your own.
I’M ALWAYS TRYING TO FIND A CREATIVE OUTLET.
It used to be acting.
Writing will always be something.
Music used to be a big part of my life before I stopped taking piano lessons. It’s something I hugely miss but find it hard to incorporate back into my life. Especially in London, there’s no room for a keyboard in my room or the flat I live in and piano lessons are actually quite expensive. Besides, you can’t not own a keyboard or a piano if you take lessons, you have to spend hours a week practising, which I loved doing. I really do miss it though.
I took ballet dancing lessons all through my childhood and high school years, at high school I joined the hip hop dance class. It was more like Jazz than Hip Hop though.
I love being creative. I’m not very artsy though, I can’t draw or paint to save my life. So I watch other people on youtube make cards. It’s like I’m addicted to card making videos. I don’t have time or money to be creative in that way, so watching other people be creative seems to suffice.